


let go

by swordofstorm



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: Character Study, Cross Marian implied death, Drabble, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, ch. 171 - Another Side
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-12
Updated: 2018-11-12
Packaged: 2019-08-22 21:30:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16605818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/swordofstorm/pseuds/swordofstorm
Summary: Cross is dead. Allen is furious and unsettled.He nearly slipped up, nearly gave Lvelllie the satisfaction of locking him up. But he waited, let it stir inside him. And in the middle of the night, he snuck away from the sleeping inspector.He lacks the energy to even attempt his usual mask of contentment, but he doesn't need to. Not with Kanda, never with Kanda.





	let go

Boots trudge down the long halls, footsteps lightly echoing up towards the vaulted ceiling. It's two in the morning, everything is still and quiet. The glittering moon does little to light the new Black Order headquarters. But Allen doesn't need to see where he's going, it's a path he knows well. His head is down, gaze unfocused as he walks.

He sluggishly comes up to a door, his destination. He steps up and leans his forehead onto the wood.

A hand comes up to knock gently on the door.

He waits, and the crushing feeling begins to fully close on him, from a ringing in his ears to a twisting in his gut.

“Please,” he words out soundlessly. “Please let me in,” The weight bears down on him, bears down on his heart and he's ready to let go any second.

_There's blood, still dripping down the broken window. The gun - his gun - lying on the floor. Why did no one tell me? He can't be dead, he can't-_

There's the click of a lock as the door creaks open an inch, and another inch. A tired eye pokes through to identify the midnight disturbance. Allen drags his own eyes up to meet the other's. He lacks the energy to even attempt his usual mask of contentment, but he doesn't need to. Not with Kanda, never with Kanda.

The door is drawn open inward without a word, and Allen steps inside. His heart is beating fast now, and he feels like he's losing control. From the corner of his eye, Allen sees the window. There's a figure in the reflection, someone who should not be there. Allen refuses to show any sign of acknowledgement, but he can feel a gnawing on his mind from the effort.

_“What if I told you that when you become the fourteenth you will have to kill someone you care about?”_

There's a hand on his shoulder, and he nearly jumps. But it's Kanda, and his hand is warm and secure. It's comforting, and Allen finds himself melting under the contact just slightly. Kanda is looking at him intently, searching for what Allen cannot verbalize. Whatever it is, Kanda seems to understand, and he takes him into his arms.

Allen's face is buried into Kanda's hair, warm and freshly washed, and he can feel some of the tension within him begin to unwind. Soon Allen is reaching up Kanda's back, and he clings forcefully, gratefully. The world around him rights itself for just a moment, a single moment here in Kanda's room.

A shuddering breath escapes his lungs.

Kanda replies with a soft kiss to his temple. It's sweet, too sweet for his heart to bear, and suddenly a wall is broken down and Allen feels a tear slip down his cheek. The arms around him tighten just so.

Tomorrow, he'll have his mask back in place. Tomorrow he'll smile at Lenalee and Komui and Lavi and every person who considers him a friend. He'll be their strength when they need him, in battle and in the aftermath. Tomorrow he'll nod politely and speak civilly to Link and Lvellie and every person who glares at him with hatred and disgust. He'll be obedient to the Crow and submissive to those who would have him executed.

But for now, Allen is here.

He lets go.

Kanda is there to catch him.


End file.
